什么是给你最好的？

人家都在年尾写2019的to do list，可是我脑海已经都是他了。

别误会，不是老王，是我儿子。

我在烦想着，什么才能给你最好的？
以现在你还不会讲话的状况下，我好难判断。
比如，你走着然后拉抽屉，我是不是该阻止？ 应该，因为不想你把抽屉的东西都拉出来，然后收拾的是我。其他妈妈说，可以给他拉，然后叫他自己收拾。问题是，他会听吗？
妈妈们说，会，1次不行，教100次！
如果凌晨他把全部都拿出来，然后你非常的累了，你还会教100次吗？？教我下。
如果我就自己来，因为凌晨了，那么就破例，是不是无效了？

还有，孩子哭，你抱，人家说你宠他。 那么他不哭，他要你抱，也是宠着吗？
请问，什么时候抱才不宠？不抱下去，多几年就抱不起了。

我很想让孩子自己空手吃，自己玩·。种种原因，我还是选择大众的喂养方式。
因为妈妈，婆婆，保姆都这样喂。老公不支持，我无法再坚持。 最后，出去，都是我自己喂他~ 很饿很饿了。 谁来喂我？

我很想把最好的给你。 赚钱多一点，好让生活好一点。就这样要把你放在保姆家。看到保姆折磨宝宝的新闻，都不敢读下去。连照片都不敢看。 现在送你去保姆家，你那默默接受的眼睛，我只好吞泪回去。 我不会说，工作是为了你，因为会成为你的无形压力。
我工作是为了。。。。（梦乡？成就感？）我的副业的确是我的梦想，但是还不能当饭吃。。。 好吧，我赚钱是为了独立，不需要太依赖老公，可以买我要的东西，不需要苦苦讨钱看脸色，可以任性买淘宝。嘻嘻。 买东西也是我解压的方式，所以宝贝你也有份哦。

总结，我还是很纠结，焦虑。与其一直想，不如过一天是一天先吧！

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你懂吗?

给猪队友，

你懂吗?
你懂当我乳头疼的苦吗?
你懂石头奶痛的苦吗?
你懂顾孩子睡眠不好，还要定时挤奶的苦吗?
你懂我就算定时挤奶，还塞奶的苦吗?
别说以上不公平，因为你不是女人。如果是这样，你该知道女人付出母爱更多。（还没算生孩子）
那么以下你该懂了吧:
你懂抱着孩子，哄睡觉，背着洗澡的腰酸吗?
你懂要上个厕所，冲个凉，吃个饭都要一秒内完成的生活吗?
你懂我会同时挤奶，吃东西和看着孩子的任务吗?
你懂他哭的得稀里哗啦，我也是装镇定的吗?
你懂宝宝包里有什么吗?
过后谁洗衣，收拾宝宝东西?谁洗奶瓶去了?谁处理母乳了?谁换床单了?

别因为你不够睡就说不要这样的生活,谁给我生活呢?你吗?
别说你没时间出去找朋友了，你说我一个月找朋友几次了?
别说他烦，难道你显示更烦的脸，会帮助到你和我吗?
别说你也有扫地抹地洗盘，我没有吗?那换床单，洗宝宝衣，丢垃圾，收拾宝包，全部你来做，我顾孩子。晚上我也一样顾一半，然后我跟你说我很累。你会觉得如何?

我不是不允许你发泄，但是你几时才觉悟，带孩子本来就不容易?你真的是没有时间，但你得到另外的喜悦。你明白吗? 有谁说顾孩子不苦的?是的话，叫他站出来，一整天给他自己一个人带，看他苦吗? 说不苦的人，因为不是他带。 我是说完全给他带哦，没人可以帮他。

我从来不觉的为人父母容易，但我至少不怨，因为我知道，他需要我们。他带给我不同的喜悦，经历，开心，磨练等。我也接受我没有自己的生活，只要他健康开心，我就满足。有怨也是为什么他哭，为什么我不早点发现这样他不舒服? 当然，我也要睡眠。至少3-4小时，我可以的。

请你讲气话时，也同时想一下再说。有时真的影响我情绪，打击了我，甚至觉得真的会发生。我想不认真对待你的气话，但是我做不到。
请你快快觉悟。请你不要带心情顾孩子。成人的我们，应该能管理自己的EQ。 让我们好好教育下一代。合作愉快!

孩子，如果你看到这文章，我不是怪你。只是要让你爸爸明白，有些付出，不是只有他而已。

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Misc of preggy

hubby is hilarious in picture, as in he want to eat watermelon

End of October, why you so hot??

I could just melt

my baby also feel very hot

I would have take out my clothes or half to fan the baby

I even asked my colleague, do office open aircond?

while my colleague is wearing jacket, i switch on my mini fans. damn!

October means a lot for me. I went in to this company 7 years ago. 

I learned a lots, and I'm still learning

from promoted, people management to .... speechless moment

what I'm glad is, she is still beside me no matter what.

She came in 2 days later than me. We could said that same batch, but she is younger than me la.

I never see her as competitors, even she does, i will look into her good side and learn from her.

She could speak to anyone which I still cannot.

when I've got memory lost, she is the one recall those for me.

She won't bossy around, she won't simply tell out secret to anyone which I feel so safe with her

She encourage me no matter in work or in personal things

feeling so grateful to have you everyday.

Happy 7th anniversary!

 craving for nyonya food, and here we went!

yummy!!

let you see my big foot, with two holes...

I pressed it and it became like this for a few minutes

 yes, water retention.. well

cannot do anything with it when in the 3rd trimester.

bear with it!!

 I was boring that time, and think of this.

I combine them together. 

Father and son, do they look the same??

check up is required monthly

then check up in kk is required bi-weekly

this is because I've got low hemoglobin(HB) level

Last week, I've got to level 12 already! damn happy!

I hope it remain.

During this whole pregnancy, I was asked to follow diet to make good irons

I not really followed, but i tried my best. 

both parent and parent-in-law also help by giving me red dates water and chinese herbal to keep up my HB level. It is sad every time I went to clinic, it still not maintained in that normal level.

Klinik kesihatan also recommend me to seek nutritionist which is free.

I need to take meat every meal, less rice, at least bayam, high iron food.

Plus I'm over weight. Which need extra careful with diet.
I started to take oats, wholemeal breads, red rice...
My weight maintained!

But now... it gained drastically again!!!

aiyo, don't care already.

Currently near to 35 weeks.

I can feel my baby is heavier.

Last check up, he is already 2kg!

Yay!

Wait, means the rest of 18kg is with me.

How am I going to slim down?

I think I'll be big fat mama later on.

Haih, that time only worry bah!

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Little tantrum during le trip

After a year plus of marriage & about 11 years we know each other... things still move on the same
He goes to his work and I goes with mine... and yet we also did argue a few times too.
Others might not able to see how lovely we are, at the same time we do have some 'hiccups' too when things doesn't seems the way we wanted.

As mentioned on the previous post, we went to Japan as our honeymoon, and this is the 2nd time we went abroad, just 2 of us. It is the first cities that we traveled alone, no one else know us, only we know each other. Some other oversea we traveled was Boracay Island, which is more easier compared to the cities, because only few routes and you probably have only one transportation.

Japan is a different world to us. We couldn't speak Japanese, we haven't took the transport before, culture is different & so on. Many things we have to figure out ourselves, which everyone says, this is the exciting part about travel. Somehow we both personally think... not this way of excitements we wanted for travel. Thus we shall let it flow as it is when the day come.

The hiccups for this story:

It is long tiring day after a lot of walking, probably on 6th day of traveling.
I guess, my tiredness, caused me to emotional break again. I never thought it burst just like that, I thought I will get only 'hangry'. He knows that I'll get very impatience especially when I was hungry.

We reached our stations in a subway, we want to find a way out. That subway is very long and huge,  a lot of shops still selling food and tidbits. He said he is hungry, he was thinking what to eat and I told him I was very tired. He suggest to dabao from family mart. He did and we walked towards the exits (searching the correct exits). When walking, he stopped one by one shop thinking want to get some better food. He is still hesitating even with dabao food already. In this moment, I know he have yet made up his mind. By standing there waiting him is killing my feet at that time being... Only that day, I felt my feet is damn tired.  Right, I should wait him since he always wait me. The thing is the batteries of the wifi and hp left few %.

For me, less than 35%, i'll felt unsafe, due to my emo phone, can suddenly dropped till 0%. I am pretty worried because we haven't find our way back, while he is looking for food & I am damn tired. Okay, I told myself i have to be patience. I'd got to let him be... i tried to look around to pull my intention away from tiredness.

I saw a tidbits shop, I find it quite interesting. I walked in after I told him I'm there for a while in case he looking for me. This shop got some affordable tidbits which I think I can buy home. He came in without any food besides from family mart. Okay, I guess he changed his mind again la. I told him bout this shop, he surveyed and said yea, kinda worth. Then I said, so we buy now la? He said, tomorrow come buy again la, since tomorrow also coming to this subway.

I said, why not now? since already here and we going back hotel. Else tomorrow could not find this shop.... He said no need la, can wan la... he said again: you not tired meh? you not saying the battery finishing soon?
In that seconds, my fire are rising.. in my heart, speaking: what? who is waiting you here? who would go to this shop if you wan see something else, and now you end up buying nothing, still sound like that I'm the one complaining all these?  I said: Fine! ( you know what that mean right, when a woman said 'fine') I put back the empty basket away and walked out of the shop.

He then asked me: Why? What are you angry about?
oklah, at least he knows that I'm angry, but he does not know why.

I held up and keep quiet. Not that I want a cold war. I just want to calm myself up so that I wont say something that could hurt him or spoil our honeymoon. I know that if there is a mirror in front of me, I would look terrible or horrible to everyone. Luckily we were at Japan, no one know me.

I simply walked up a stairs, he also keep quiet and following me. When up to the road and when waiting him to wear his jacket, the cool breeze air did make me feel better. It calms me down. I turn back to him, he is struggling wearing the jacket with his bag on. I know that he needs help. I held his bag and help on turning his hoodie out from his jacket.

He looked at me surprisingly, he still straight forwardly said: I thought you still angry.
I gave him a cold smile and said: What to do? we have to made it up. I feel better now.
He shamelessly ask me again: why are you angry? I don't understand.
OMG, he still dare to ask why? Luckily I said it when I mean it, means I already calm down. I explain to him why and until the part I mentioned, batteries are gone soon... he asked how many % left? I said 33%. He laugh... I still remember he laugh sarcastically. Hmph! you see, his handphone has left lesser than 20%, pocket wifi is charging with my bank battery, my hp left 33% and we still have yet reach hotel, plus I am damn tired. I am dragging myself already, you know?

However, he still hold me tightly when we both walking back hotel. His one step is my 2 steps... you know that...so I told him to slow down... till we reaching, I felt my toes nearly cramp. No kidding.

Until we sit on our bed, we both was like 'ahh' relax.

I'm also surprised that I can be so calm within a minute. Thanks to the cool air. :)

Finished my tantrum already. Still, I'm looking forward to travel with him. Why?
1) he is fine with everything
2) he can wait for me when I'm shopping
3) he still there no matter how beh song(unsatisfied) he is
4) he can help me finish my portions
5) he not so calculative on things:P
6) help me carry things and heavy luggage
7) spend time with me
8) seems don't care about the trip but he does care
9) know what am I thinking even I just looking at him
10) can stand my tantrum. hahahha


Thank you my dear :)

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执着的爱

燈光也暗了　音樂低聲了　口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了　人是無聊了　我的心開始想你了

燈光熄滅了　音樂靜止了
　滴下的眼淚已停不住了
　天下起雨了　人是不快樂

credited from :

《王菀之 - 我真的受傷了》

学着放开一点太执着的爱 也想换我的自由
不想给他的压力 却自己也承受着
不是他变了 只是在一起·的度过期
并不是原则 却往心里沉 是情绪过敏 但无法自拔
复杂 也代表爱如深

望着他的眼神。。。
只怪我太爱他。

希望。。时间可冲缓
希望。。我爱的他不要放弃
总有那么一天我会改变

望着它，舒缓了

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with Him after 3 months

Yes! is Us~ Finally could meet him after 3 long months of loneliness. Missed him so so so much.  We decided to get ourselves a 2Days trip. I could only met him like few days only, he just flew off again today. :(

Okaylah, don't talk about sadness, talk about happiness. The day we spent together is sweetly carried out.

We love this picture a lot and now is our screen locked papers on both of our smart phones.

well, I came out with this idea a night before we travelled. This will be our one year screen lock paper again.

we set and went to Tambun Ipoh. The lost world. 

As we wanted so much to get lost from our real life. just temporary.

I would not miss a chance to take picture with him

we did not went into the theme park, but hot springs!

Our hotel booking came with free entrance for hotsprings (worth RM20) 

Before got into the water, we had a good steamboat dinner!

Which just walking distance from hotspring. they had good services!!

And the prawn is so so so fresh!

because they catch and immediately put into steamboat wan. (Cruel but I ate it after i felt sorry for them) 

Because they served us, he got a chance to peel all the shells for me!!

I still remembered, his kindness and gentleman-ness had won my heart. Until today, he is still doing it. 

(besides peeling the shells, pulling chairs..etc)

love him so much.

is crabs~

Too bad we did not bring phone into the hotsprings...did not took any picture yet.

so after the hotsprings and bath, we got a mid night chilled at the bar nearby.

That is our day 1. ended so quickly.

Day 2 for the breakfast.

then we checked out 

went to Ipoh Fok Shan to try out the best dim sum they recommend.

The taste is not really what we expected. 

We just ate a few things then we go back

steam egg with milk~

below is 'sampan' porridge. (ting zai zhuk)

I thought the day will ended like this. However he mentioned that he want to go hang out around our new home (still building in progress), and also went to have some 'tong shui'.

He also mentioned he can't wait this home to fully finished. I never thought he would say like that.

I always expected he is some one who wants freedom of all.  I guess time do changed someone. 

I said: so do I. =)

the next day in KL, we got ourselves movie marathon!

The Thor & Hunger games (catching fire).

we are like 3 months not having movie together. Not too good was the 2 movies have no ending.

I guess episode 3 is coming soon.

He tolerate all my favourite meals that day.

watching me ate sashimi with enjoy face!

and dinner with my favourite western chicken chop.

I took again our feet picture. This shows the end of the day we met. 

Hope to see you again soon.

bye bye~

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The 8th

When my peers brought up a topic as "how long you had been in a relationship with him?", I proudly answered:"8th years", then they stunt and then "wow". Right, and I knew what they will asked next: "so when it is the time to get married?" well well, always answer "soon". if only they keep persuading then I gave a face(what face? you guess then).

all these years we would remember this day had come and the day before will be wishing each other, but for this year is like, both of us forget. Until today when I'm looking at calendar when working, then I was...hm, how come this date so familiar? Then only I was... oh ya!!! *smack my face*.  Actually I remembered last 3 days ago, but I'd forgotten on the day before. Of course, he also can't remember. hahaha~ Kinda weird couple though, I thought I'll be angry at him, but I didn't.  Is this means because we are too long to be together?

Video call finally, snap quickly when he smile at me.

Roughly we wish each other via watsapp and both of us continue to work the whole day then on the night only we had a video call.  We had a long talk and I was mentioning that this is our first time anniversary where you were not in Malaysia. I'm a particular girl that hopes the spouse would contribute more time on family than work. Knowing that it is impossible when come to work, it was like no excuse. From family to friends and works, I somehow know that he spend lesser time for himself.  Sometimes I rather he spare some for himself. All these 8 years, he is always busy.  Still I'm glad that he spare time for me whatever he could.

I still love this pic~

He literally asked me, "are you regret on choosing on me?". I'm shocked, stunned for few seconds, NOT thinking for other reasons but thinking why he would asked something like this? ( I thought only girls asked this) My dear you should know the answer. =P If I would regret, I would not keep this precious relationships for 8 years together. I still can't believe when he said: I love you, my heart beats and I was stammering (口吃)!!

Lastly~ to my dear,
ll the memories have brightened again, The same day has come again, It feels nice to think again.. Thanks for coming in my life and For making the day special now and then. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

For 8 good years, we went trough a lot of things together and our bond stay stronger. This is a special day for us as if this is not the day we begins, we wouldn't had gone this far.  I wish as your wish, we will walk along together till 80 more years. hehe~

I love you.

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Missing

My dearest, I'm missing the most.

When will you be back again~~

I know you'll be back.  It's really hard for me.

It's harder for you too, as you are in other places that without your friends and family.

Hope you once again stay near me~ T.T

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HIM

I still keep busy no matter after the business trip or before. I'd only manage to send out my minutes one month later. How bad employee am I.

 

Suppose to be a sad month on July.  However his company set a delay for his flight to Brunei. Whereas not a good news when I know he only can take a chance back once after 3months. Right, August is my biggest sadness. Bah.

I thought I'm able to get trough as times passes by with the delay. I keep convince myself everyday that, he will be away, like maybe now, I shall prepare mentally. For not break out crying.

I'm not the type of girl that physically depend on bf. However missed the time when we meet every once a week. I miss those moments laughing with him together, the way he laugh at my silly jokes, I missed his expressions, miss the way we holding hands like a small matters to others but meant a lot to us, miss his cuddle with me together in cinema (he is my movie partner), miss the whole lots of him in front of me. But yes I've to admit that I'm very emotionally attached to him. 

Perhaps is good that I could keep on busy on my job, but when stops, I could not be hold. I wished I could be stronger. I do not want to add extra burden on him as well as his job already is a stressful thing. May all the best to him and his future. I hope in future you will see the different in me. The changes along the journey together with you no matter is now or future, i hope this is just the beginning. Challenge rise again.  

Loves you~

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Recently preoccupied

I am not a good blogger who update things.

I'm recently occupied by trips and business trips.

 Legoland~ I got myself joining the company out station trip

 It is worthwhile as the package is partially paid by company.

 And I got to go with my beloved colleagues

Proudly announced that Malaysia legoland is the 6th in the world.

It is more suitable for kids. Adults like us just enjoyed the structure of the lego system

 We amazed by the architecture of building the legoland and also miniworld 

they build most of the KL town, including KLCC and pudu area.

I once asked if job available for building it like just playing lego.

then my friend said: nah, you thought building lego is easy? they got pro cert on this,

I think you at least need an engineering/IT background to create the buildings? 

look here

okay, lets stop for the lego thing.

Besides busying with trips, I also busying with my business trip recently.

Need to do a lot of preparations, run data, do testing, present again, call customers...etc

despite being occupied by the trip preparations, we also partly take my superior's job due to she is on maternity leaves. I could tell you, I have no time to spare. I do really wanted to spend an empty weekend just day dream. 

This is a long trip to Shandong province, Rizhao, China.

As one of our biggest customer's factory was there.

Believe me, no one could ever go there for a tour. except locals.

There is no direct flight from KLIA to Rizhao. 

I have to transit at Beijing, then wait for few hours, flight to Qingdao airport, and took 2hours car to Rizhao hotel. It took about 12hours to reached destination.

Not only that, what horrified us is that, we did not take our luggage bag when transit.

Alright, is our first time taking transit, for our own perceptive, bag should follow us to the final destinations.

we were wrong!!! and we waited our luggage to return to us for hours, we waited in airport Qingdao.

after confirmed bag will be arrived at night, we just went back to Rizhao for rest.

As we took midnight flight, we are already not sleep for more than 24hours.

We drag ourselves to supermarket to bought clothes and water.

Our presentation things was in my luggage bag, and we need to re-prepare everything before we could rest.

I thought I'll be too nervous to fall asleep (as I'm gonna present for most of the time),

However, my tiredness just made me slept like a pig.

and the next day, everything was fine luckily.

So we took car back to airport to collect our luggage. This took us 4hrs car ride.

As famous Tsingtao beer is near to Rizhao, we definitely have to try.

 we bought a 500ml can for only RMB5.60. 

 our company main buildings

 the factory

 our presentation rooms

 some of my interaction china colleagues.

As i processes claims, everyone just remembered that I'm the one rejected their claims.

I'm not really get use to their food and culture. 

well I wish all the best to them.

Over the weekend, we spend 2nights in Qingdao.

I went to the scenic Ba Da Guan area. They really has good nice building.

partly is because German ruled in Qingdao before world war 2.

so there are still some german building remain there. 

This is also the reason why the beer are famous and cheap there. 

Hard feelings rule over June and July this year.

People leaves our daily life, as I understand it could not be control anyway.

Just felt... helpless and sad.

 I know that they still stay anywhere around the world.

However the contact of the person i care with everyday will become lesser

 I got to stay tough. 

keep in touch with all of you.

I don't wish to have farewell with all of you

I wish to continue having gathering with you all over again.

I shall say no good bye to you. 

Please Take good care of yourself.

Live happier than now. 

All the best. Muacks!!!

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